Nocternal’s Picks of the Week: Season 9 Week 2
Hey guys, your friendly, neighborhood locker room stalker is back and ready to kick off again, this time fortified with Vitamin D. Since the whole REL got off to a fast and furious start I could not get Week 1’s edition out in time so I guess we'll just have to live with the disappointment. Enough feelings of seething rage leveled at meek article writers, let’s get to the action!
REL 1 gets in the scrum with a top game in the works
Necronomics (Necromantic 2080) vs Straight Up Flatulence (Chaos 1470)
You wanted a game, well this is a game! Necro against Chaos, with claws and ass gas going every which way. A cursory look at the teams tell me that this game is almost garuenteed for Horney Cricket, with SFU missing a huge compliment of players to injuries last week. Worst of all is Stoobings star Beastman, Great Brown Cloud, (MB, Claw, Block, Tackle, Pile On, Juggernaut) is out with a freshly acquired -Ma injury. This is a huge windfall for the Necronomics who will be giving up a hefty 610k inducement purse to the stunted Chaos team. It would be good to remember that the Necronomics still have a decent investment portfolio of 180k gold in the bank so we shouldn’t be surprised if the shifty Cricket hires a Wizard to help even the odds. At this point, it can’t hurt!
REL 2 isn’t holding back in the Pain Game either
Teamspeak Crew V4 (Chaos Dwarfs 1250) vs Tooth and Fist (Necromantic 1730)
Another Necro vs AV8/9 game this week with a mauled Teamspeak Crew fighting tooth and nail against Tooth and Fist. Again, this match heavily favors the Necro players since TS lost a Chorf to a MNG and another to the icy cold back freezer (next to the ice cream). This isn’t the team I remember when we played against each other in REL 4 a while back. All in all, this isn’t much of a contest unless TS can get their stompin’ boots on and pile onto the Wolves and and Star Ghoul, Limbchewer (+Ag, Block, +Mv, Side Step, Sure Hands). If that doesn’t happen then it will be a short bloody game for sure.
Winner: Tooth and Fist
REL 3 likes to fist fight with AV9.
Da Secret of My Success (Orcs 2100) vs Lebowski Urban Achievers (Chaos 1600)
What is it with the high inducement games this week? Another TV blowout is in store for REL 3 with LUA getting a just crazy 500k just for showing up! This is madness! And I think they are going to need it since LUA lacks any form of claw at all. DSS is also looking strong (for an Orc team) even if they have a bunch of -Ag injuries on Black Orcs. Not much else to say here, LUA is going to need to roll some hot fire casualty dice if they even have a hope of breaking through DSS on their offencive drive. This will be a slog and a half
Winner: Da Secret of My Success
REL 4, Zons and UW or WHY CAN’T I POW!
Fallen Wonders (Amazons 1760) vs Jazz Poison (Underworld 1480)
This is probably the hardest game that I had to figure out in the last season at least. Fallen Wonders are rolling hard in the stats and have some really nice development (get your minds out of the gutter!), however, Jazz Poison is poised to take that all away with the mass stunty; rolling deep in Gobbos (7 deep to be exact). The only thing that I can see being the real problem is Tackle or the lack thereof. FW is bringing two players with tackle to the table and JP have a grand total (drumroll please) of one. But that one player can bring the pain. VX Gillespie (MB, Claw, Pile On, Tackle, Jump Up) will have his work cut out for him as the only healthy Skaven Blitzer coming to the field for JP. It’s a toss up and will depend heavily on who gets the Cas and who gets the pows.
Winner: Too Close to Call (But REL 4 is the real winner if any players die)
REL 5 vant’s to suck your blud!
Castlevania Creeps (Vampires 1700) vs Khorne’s Glory (Chaos 1590)
About time we all took a moment to enjoy the simpler things in life, like watching two teams insanguinate each other. Blood for the Blood God and all that jazz. This week we have the treat of Vamps and Chaos going ham in an no holds barred, blood frenzy. The Creeps are coming into this game strong with three of four Vamps having some real nice development and rolling nine very healthy thralls, at least before the Vamps get a chance at them. The killer Khornites also looking alright but I see one thing that they may be getting wrong for this match, six Claw players. No joke, six. With all that dead tv it will be a wonder if they can get much of anything into the Vamps. I guess the game plan is to stand in the way and hope for a dead streak of 1’s to help remove some of those pesky Thralls.
Winner: Castlevania Creeps
REL 6 Holy Stat Freaks Batman!
Hufflepuff Heroes (Khemri 1690) vs Respectable Gents (Chaos 1620)
Finally! A game without a huge TV differential. Time for a nice, calm game of Blood Bowl were we won’t be slinging Wizards and Bribes everywhere and the KO’s will stay off the pitch. The Hogwarts Hooligans will be coming into the game real strong thanks to some decent development on the Tomb Guardians, making it a real pain for the posh Gents. The Gents aren’t without their wiles with four +Ma beastmen who will need to out maneuver the most unnoticeable house in all of seven books and eight movies. Seriously, did Hufflepuff do anything? Is it just me not noticing? Anyways, this can be a close one if the Beastmen can keep their feet under them and catch a few lucky casualties along the way, but failing that House Hufflepuff might actually do something for once.
Winner: Hufflepuff Heroes (but seriously, Slytherin is way better)
Alright folks, I’m going to cut it off there for this week. Not for any reason in particular other than I have a real need to eat something meaty and rare (also, I got a late start and who knows when these teams will be playing). Keep the season rolling and you’ll keep getting these completely opinionated rantings coming. Cheers!