As you get closer to your weekly treat, the night gets warmer and muggier. You arrive at the door, your jacket on the shoulder, whistling under the trail of a shooting star. Next to the entrance, a woman in a feathery bikini is knelt in silence at a very small altar, holding fragrant incense sticks. Tiny volutes of smoke quiver as you pass her by, and step in.
You immediately take note of the unusual lack of cries, shouts and usual cussing making up the typical atmosphere. On your way to your seat, you pass a lean and bald man sitting at the counter with a smiling werewolf, both of them scratching something together into the wood. The owner is already ducked behind the counter, with the comforting sound of beer gurgling. "Welcome!" He stands up and plops the glass down in front of you.
"Pretty quiet tonight, we had an early rush this week." You tilt your head interrogatively towards the two scratchers. "Tally marks. I tried to stop them but... at least they don't bother anyone..." He shakes his head and point to the rest of the room. "Lot of different folks here tonight, that's a change too."
Your turn to survey the room, as you always do before tucking in. At the center of the main room, a party of squat and jolly fellows are sat around the disk of a large table, tackling an impressive pile of food. Next to them a bearded dwarf is proudly reading out loud excerpts from the parchment he's holding. Alone at a table, a large green hulk is scratching his head while looking blankly at a calendar. Further on, against the wall and far from the crowd, a trio of bloated hulky silhouettes chalk game plans glyphs up on the wall.
Upstairs, next to the railing, a slim and dark clad silhouette practices combat moves. Behind him, only one room is open and drunken cries of "A Badger, A Badger!" erupt from inside, in the wake of a flying paw-like glove.
Your attention is called back to the counter as the owner places the menu next to your elbow. "Here, it's not because it's slightly quieter that we let the standards slip." He also slides a small plate of dumplings your way "That's to whet your appetite, on the house." He smiles before stepping out to attend the room.
Div 1: your stop if you had to have one dish only.
Warc Machine III (1930 Orcs) vs Shadowhill Cowboy (1620 Dark Elves) - Recipe
This one is a classic: as much for the culinary traditions represented as for the chefs in presence. Pretty much an automatic Bent-O selection for the unexpected flavours this encounter always offers. This time, try the salty orcish roast aux petits oignons façon Dark Elves.
Salt Level Sample
3-0 for Shadowhill Cowboys
WesC's Wolves (1960 Necromantics) vs The Phobias Reborn! (1740 Undead) - Recipe
Division 1 seasonal variations on a same theme. With the return of both Necromantic and Undead to the top this season, this was the inevitable cook-off. Whether newcomer or not, do not pass on this plate of cold cuts: rare and bloody.
2-1 for The Phobias Reborn!
Div 2: for those feeling a little more than peckish.
Fork Tonnes (1500 Lizardmen) vs Trump's Chumps (1860 Nurgle) - Recipe
Another pair of chefs promoted from the past division 3. Emerging from the violent world that the deep end of Big O's kitchen is, those two chefs offer you a dish of Nurgle noodles spiced up by the zing of Lizardmen citrus sauce.
Masters of the Underverce (1640 Underworld) vs The Nurgtown Crooners (1720 Nurgle) - Recipe
Some folks favour Division 1 for the classics, some Division 2 for the adventures. This dish definitely falls in the second category and prove why one should try the unexpected. Double down on the weirdness with this Nurgle ham in Warpstone salt.
1-0 for Masters of the Underverce
Div 3: now we're talking, a proper 3 meal course.
The Way of the Leaf (1040 Halflings) vs Monty Tosspots (1410 Hallings) - Recipe
A rare occurrence, one that will comfort your choice of turning to the Big O. A 16 dish Halfling feast! Not something one often sees outside of specialized circles. Time to sit down, undo that top button on your trousers and dive in!
2-1 for Way of the Leaf
Div 4: can't get enough of the Big O, can you?
The Bizkit Rizkit (1020 Goblins) vs Springfield '92 (1350 Underworld) - Recipe
A very special cook-off this season. This one not only offers gobbo surprise sausages (don't ask) with a dash of Warpstone relish; it also counts for a ritual contest between two tribes on a remote island far far away. Just when you thought the Big O couldn't get any weirder...
2-0 The Bizkit Rizkit
Divs 5: you made it, enjoy your dessert.
r/therepill (1290 Dark Elves) vs The Ball Pinchers (1400 Wood Elves) - Recipe
Not a choice you often had in the past, closing your meal on an elvish gourmet coffee. Consider the deep darkness of a well roasted Dark Elf coffee, and now pair it with the unique texture of a Wood Elf Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte. Yum.
Cherry Red Dice
2-1 for The Ball Pinchers
Mal Fario (1210 High Elves) vs Off Work Boyz (1130 Orcs) - Recipe
Another timeless classic of ReBBL foods: the encounter between High Elf and Orcish cuisines. Be it as starter, main course, side dish or dessert, it is a blend that will always deliver. Today for you: Orcish macarons and their filling of Helvish ice-cream.
3-1 for Off Work Boyz
Deepest thanks go to all the admin staff and tech wizards making possible for all of us to meet, play and write about Blood Bowl.
Here's a list of Big O streamers you should follow; for future time quality Blood Bowl:
- AussieViking: Coach of Winged Centaurs, co-host of Div 3 recaps with Fyrs, Necro experimenter.
- Cynergy: Coach of The Nurgtown Crooners, host of Div 2 recaps with Nick, excessively oppressed by his Clan leader.
- Fyrs: Coach of Saturday Nyght Femur, co-host of Div 3 recaps with AussieViking, licensed to dote.
- GdayNick: Coach of The Ball Pinchers, co-caster of Div 2 recaps alongside Cynergy, kills Witch Elves in cold blood.
- Krusader: Coach of Muten Roshi's Bear School, host of Div 1 recaps with XS, leaping into Artifact streaming.
- PapaNasty: Coach of Bash Incorporated, host of Div 5B recaps, head of Bash Inc R&R division, has a poolside desk.
- Rhys: Coach of That's Chaos Theory, host of Div 5 A recaps, Australia number 1 Cowboy Bebop and Seatbelts fan.
- Seriassam: Coach of Leaping Lizardss, hates Claw, survives Claw, fields a ST6 blodge Krox but still no Leap piece.
- SkyblueMonty: Coach of Monty's Tosspots, Big O's OG tosser, screams incoherently while doing so, loves Horatio.
- Tommo: coach of The Arcana, host of Div 4 recaps with Jamus, dances around Dorfs, builds a Pepsi can pyramid.