You feel relaxed as you walk the brightly lit streets. Softly whistling that jazz melody you have in mind, you dig your hands in the pockets of your trench coat and you walk becomes a smooth glide along other night goers. Following an arcane pattern of turns left and right, you enter a realm of winding alleys where neon lights give way to the moon light and the buzz of night life is replaced by crickets and air con units. In the mood for your weekly snack, you smile at some distant memory and make your way to the usual hideout.
The place seems rather quiet as you arrive, a single silhouette is leaning against the wall, basking in the blinking light and buzz of the neon sign. You recognize one of those bare-chested, braid-sporting elves often spotted on the top floor. Instead of his usual green britches he wears a boiler suit. Noticing your perplexed look, he points at a cardboard box next to him filled with identical paint stained suits. "You'll want to wear one tonight mate, trust me." Something in his voice convinces you and you decide to grab one.
Having slipped the overalls on you walk in, your trench coat folded over your arm and the elf on your heels. The counter is empty tonight and the owner is standing behind it, in his usual apparel. As you take your seat, he leans over the counter to grab your coat and tuck it on his side. "Good evening. I see you decided to wear a protective suit, good idea." The elf sits next to you and order a glass of red, the owner instantly pours him one and serves you a beer in a smooth movement. Your neighbour winks at you. "It's gonna start soon, you don't want to miss it." He takes a sip from his glass before swiveling around and leaning back against the counter, swirling his glass gently as he observes the main room.
You barely have time to do the same with your beer and to notice the main room seems covered in protection sheet. Before you can ask anything, you see a fur-hat wearer and a sickly fellow stand up and exchange bullets across the table they were sharing a second ago, both falling down in a cloud of paint. After a micro-second of silence where the time seems to miss a tick, all Hell breaks loose...
A tall goblin in studded hat jumps on his table and sprays at a group of rather differently living patrons, cackling maniacally. A table further, a knight in shiny armour lands a well placed shot on the head of a werewolf as it tries to jump to cover behind table. In front of you, you see a goat launching backwards from its chair and shoot a snickering Dorf in the face while in mid air.
Raising your eyes, you see the figure of a helmeted hulk falls over the rail of the first story after being shot in the gut by a rat with green claws sliding on the wooden floor. In a flash, through the open door of a private room, you see a feathered woman and a patron in rusty armour trade shots before falling on each other. The next room over seems filled with a huge mass of rotting flesh leaking pus and paint, with eldritch parts still wriggling in its mist.
On the stairs to the top floor a fur-hat wearer is shot in mid-leap by a raging minotaur. Behind them you can see a large orc wearing flip-flops matching his suit calmly popping two elves in black leather outfit in the chest. A rat quickly runs along the rail, firing quickly at a pair of white haired elves before falling to his demise. You notice a patron in rusty armour trying to run out of the fray but slipping on the paint and snapping his neck as he falls to the floor.
As the chaos is petering out, you turn around towards the owner, a question on your lips. Seeing the wild look on your face, he shows his usual sly smile. "We thought we'd do something different tonight, to spice things up a bit". He nods at your neighbour, still savoring his glass and looking at the panorama with an air of plenitude. "It was his idea, and a great one at that." The owner taps at the menu laying in front of you. "Have something to eat, and you can take that boiler suit off now." As you struggle with the zipper, the owner is already ordering a few waiters, some armed with brooms, brushes and others loaded with trays of steaming hot meals for the patrons.
Div 1: Timeless dishes, the heart of Big O tradition.
Muten Roshi's Bear School (1510 Kislev) vs Catastrophy (2020 Chaos) - Recipe
Our first dish today on the list is a classic but maybe not for everyone. After all, mixing Kislev and Chaos cuisines is always the promise of a very unique meal. Get your chopsticks and prepare for deep fried frog legs with their spicy sauce congee!
The Rat Way To Go (1810 Rats) vs Old Hobart Honeybadgers (1840 HElves) - Recipe
Not everyone among us is a meat eating enthusiast, it is something we understand in the Big O. So we have something just for you tonight: the delicacy of HElf stir-fried water spinach with shredded chili, with a side of the unique Skaven fermented tofu.
Div 2: Braised Lou Mei dishes, an acquired taste.
Trump's Chumps (1980 Nurgle) vs Faces of 4chan (1790 Nurgle) - Recipe
Ok, let's be honest here: when you put two Nurgle chefs together, the upcoming dish will be rated more on curiosity than edibility. Offal cooking being a staple of Nurgle traditions, we proudly offer you a combo of duck flippers, sliced jellyfish and pig's ear. Enjoy?
1-0 for Faces of 4chan
Da Kahoonaz (1600 Orcs) vs Sassy Soviets (1960 Kislev) - Recipe
Lou Mei is a type of cuisine that takes time to get used to. And one keen culinary explorer should be eased into it with more classic dishes. Such as this Kislev style pickled pig's feet and their side of fungus soup, just dive in!
1-0 for Da Kahoonaz
Div 3: Noodle dishes, classics and new experiences.
Celebrity Veg 2.0 (1580 Kislev) vs Cyrus's Viruses (1260 Nurgle) - Recipe
Often asked here is our take on a staple dish. Take the long tradition of broth making in the Kislev cuisine and pair it with taste for chewiness carried by the Nurgle one. The result? Nurgle prawn and pork wontons, in a Kislev fish broth with noodles. Slurp.
Div 4: Siu Mei, rotisserie for the meat lovers.
Springfield '92 (1420 Underworld) vs Liverfull (1840 Dorfs) - Recipe
Some like their dish veggie free, and this section is for them. Our Siu Mei style dishes feature roast meat, and nothing else, but a dash of salt. Try our Dwarven roast suckling pig with a dash of warpstone salt on it, with a Warpstone Troll as Salt Bae.
2-1 for Liverfull
Divs 5: Exotic desserts as final touch.
That's Chaos Theory (1400 Lizards) vs The Ball Pinchers (1460 WElves) - Recipe
Who doesn't like a nice sweet touch to finish his meal? As first choice we present you today the association of Lizardmen and WElf cuisine to create our special 陰陽 dessert: almond cream served together with some black sesame soup. Heavenly.
3-0 for The Ball Pinchers
Off Work Boyz (1290 Orcs) vs Sticky Green Team (1340 Orcs) - Recipe
Orcs are not what comes at the forefront of your mind when the tricky question of desserts is evoked. It doesn't mean they have nothing to offer, proof with this silken tofu with fresh mango slices. I know, who would have thunk?
2-0 for Off Work Boyz
Deepest thanks go to all the admin staff and tech wizards making possible for all of us to meet, play and write about Blood Bowl.
Here's a list of Big O streamers you should follow; for future time quality Blood Bowl:
- AussieViking: Coach of Winged Centaurs, co-host of Div 3 recaps with Fyrs, great drunk gecko and spider hunter.
- Cynergy: Coach of The Nurgtown Crooners, host of Div 2 recaps with Nick, trending in Twitch #Kitten directory.
- Fyrs: Coach of Saturday Nyght Femur, co-host of Div 3 recaps with AussieViking, Big O future Khemri pharaoh.
- GdayNick: Coach of The Ball Pinchers, co-caster of Div 2 recaps alongside Cynergy, likes to puzzle out 1TTDs.
- Krusader: Coach of Muten Roshi's Bear School, host of Div 1 recaps with XS, thinks about homemade dentistry.
- PapaNasty: Coach of Bash Incorporated, host of Div 5B recaps, veteran Clan leader and experienced drafter.
- Rhys: Coach of That's Chaos Theory, host of Div 5 A recaps, unapologetically keeps rolling doubles on his Lizards.
- Seriassam: Coach of Leaping Lizardss, traumatised by Div 2, will be back on the 12th for those who are asking.
- SkyblueMonty: Coach of Monty's Tosspots, will play Halflings everywhere, despite anything, against everyone.
- Tommo: coach of The Arcana, host of Div 4 recaps with Jamus, moonlights as an adventurer on Azeroth.