By the time you reach the familiar web of back alleys, the sky has turned the color of obsidian and serves as a mirror for the haze of neon lights. Pushed by a light breeze, you sail along the narrow pathways towards your weekly haven. You easily find the entrance, with its faint buzzing and blinking lights guiding you as surely as a lighthouse. While you step past the sliding door, you immediately notice the owner leaning against the door frame leading to the kitchen, poised into listening to a strange trio sitting at the counter.
The first member of which is a sporting a moth-eaten cape and a rusty armor, with a long beard hanging out of his helm; he tries to fend off the assaults of several laughing children with one hand while speaking in the microphone he holds in the other. Next to him is a half naked man in fur hat and bear skin, he keeps squirming cautiously on his seat as he speaks; one hand holding his abdomen, the other petting a small Italian Greyhound snuggling into his lap. The third individual speaks passionately in his microphone with a silvery voice; which strikes you as odd since it is a skeleton sporting a stripped headcloth and a carving into his shoulder blade. Rod Stewart?
Perplexed, you pass behind them, careful as to not disturb their strange ceremony. You wave at the owner and take your seat. As always, he leans over the counter to put down a glass of beer in front of you. "Welcome! Welcome! Have your usual!" He tilts his head towards the peculiar trio and grins. "They're amazing, aren't they? They call it a podcast, nor very organized but brilliant!" He nods as to reply to himself. "Can you believe we're already been here for a season and a half? Quite the adventure..." His smile seem to waver a little bit as he turns to answer cries coming from the kitchen. While he's busy, you rotate on your seat and enjoy the sight of the patron crowd, your weekly ritual to start your appetite.
In a corner of the main room, you see a topless man holding a rum bottle, reclining in his chair opposite a dejected looking massive creature of flesh and tentacles. In the center of the room, another topless customer -with pointy ears and long flowing golden hair this time- is juggling a spiky oval ball in front of a goblin occupied at greasing up a chainsaw. You see a massive green orc walks around the tables exchanging smiles and pleasantries, dodging a group of bretonnian peasants on their way out. Next to the stairs, a large saurus is settling at his table, with a convoluted apparatus destined to film himself as he speaks.
Upstairs, you notice the return of the sneaky skink, on the receiving end of a lecture given by a werewolf leaning against the rail. Behind them the door of a private room is slid open, letting appear a flannel shirt suspended from the frame over a pair of massive boots jutting out the end of a sofa. A mustached fur hat bearer struts around, having replaced his vest with a toga, strutting around with a smug smile on his face.
One story higher, a mohawk wearer leans against the rail, absentmindedly spinning a ball on his fingers under the watchful eye of a lopsided zombie. In a side room, a dwarf in a tight leather jacket and fake pointy ears is pressed hard against the wooden floor by the stiletto heel of an elf woman, while she rearranges her hair in a bun with a couple of crayons. You spot a fur hat bearer leaving the other one, holding a pack of ice over his black eye, followed by a laughing orc in chainmail.
You're pulled out of your contemplation by the owner sliding a menu in front of you. "Enjoy your meal." You notice a tinge of melancholy in his smile and his stare loses itself in the distance as he looks at his patrons again. What is going on tonight? As you open your mouth to ask him, he pushes himself off the counter and dives in the crowd preceded by his tray of steaming hot dishes. In the impossibility of getting an answer, you turn your attention to the menu, accompanied by the hearty laughter of the broadcasting trio.
Div 1: New or accustomed to Big O cuisine, this is your mandatory first stop.
Lazy Lounge Lizards Utd. (1900 Lizard) vs Catastrophy (2020 Chaos) - Recipe
Let's kick off this week with an underrated classic. Meat dishes often feature prominently on our menus, so this week try one of our fish specialties: raw fished diced like only Chaos cooks know how, with a coconut and lemon sauce straight from the land of Lizardmen.
2-0 for Lazy Lounge Lizards Utd.
Doomed Witches (1830 DElves) vs Shadowhill Cowboys (1570 DElves) - Recipe
When you see two Delf chefs going at it on the menu, prepare your taste buds for festival of potent and subtle flavors mixed together. This week we present you with their special leg of lamb, stuffed with herbs, garlic, prunes and almonds. Try it, love it, die happy.
4-0 for Doomed Witches
Div 2: After honring the classics, head on over to the risky part of the menu.
The One True Path (1820 Chaos) vs Trump's Chumps (1790 Nurgle) - Recipe
You had the lamb and want some more? Then you're just ready for our kumara and lamb cakes. Picture some choice lamb tenderized and shredded under the tradition of Chaos cooks, then mix with some fragrant Nurgle sweet potato with coriander and oyster sauce.
2-1 for Trump's Chumps
Never Swapping (1740 Necro) vs Da Kahoonaz (1680 Orc) - Recipe
Like the meat but tired of lamb? We got you. Just imagine some premium beef meat, sliced properly Necro style in a red wine sauce. Toss in Orc fashion portobello mushroom, onions and garlic. Place everything in pastry, bake and eat when it turns golden!
2-1 for Never Swapping
Div 3: Life's not only about lunch and dinner. What about breakfast?
Winged Centaurs (1730 Chorfs) vs Saturday Nyght Femur (1170 Undead) - Recipe
Many say breakfast food can be eaten all day long, this dish certainly can. Grab some quality smoked fish, like kahawai, toss it in the pan where your onions are caramelized with some potato. Let it golden, flip, add fresh herbs. Serve with a poached eggs and lemon.
1-0 for Saturday Nyght Femur
Div 4: If you're looking for a proper afternoon snack, here it comes!
Springfield '92 (1350 Underworld) vs Bar Room Blusterers (1700 WElves) - Recipe
For those looking for a special treat to fill that afternoon craving, search no more. Underworld are always a bag of surprises so no one expected them to bring this honey and ginger cake recipe out of nowhere, then trust the WElves to place some fresh fruits on top for the final touch.
4-0 for Bar Room Blusterers
Divs 5: Let's finish with a fireworks of desserts and sweets, shall we?
Less Useful Mutants (1490 Chaos) vs Rocky Road To Redemption (820 Brets) - Recipe
To open let's start with a very unique dessert. You'll need some nice lollies, those firm,soft and chewy marshmallows only Chaos cooks would think of using, dice and add them to this butter, chocolate, biscuit and condensed milk roll. Keep in the fridge and enjoy slice by slice.
2-0 for Less Useful Mutants
They're Back! (1180 Undead) vs Very Dead Corpses (1540 Necro) - Recipe
And let's bring it home with one of our flagship desserts. We now that ice-cream lovers are legion and who better to bring it to you than a duo of cold preservation experts. Enjoy our unique hokey pokey ice cream: vanilla base and lumps of honeycomb toffee. Yum.
1-0 for Very Dead Corpses
Deepest thanks go to all the admin staff and tech wizards making possible for all of us to meet, play and write about Blood Bowl.
Here's a list of Big O streamers you should follow; for future time quality Blood Bowl:
- AussieViking: Coach of Winged Centaurs, co-host of Div 3 recaps with Fyrs, bane of broadcasting guide writers.
- Cynergy: Coach of The Nurgtown Crooners, host of Div 2 recaps with Nick, patron saint of unpunished 1D blocks.
- Fyrs: Coach of Saturday Nyght Femur, co-host of Div 3 recaps with AussieViking, wandering polyglot of the Big O.
- GdayNick: Coach of The Ball Pinchers, co-caster of Div 2 recaps alongside Cynergy, likes Human Music.
- Krusader: Coach of Muten Roshi's Bear School, host of Div 1 recaps with XS, you can call him Crassus. Or not.
- PapaNasty: Coach of Bash Incorporated, host of Div 5B recaps, enjoys the occasional stabbing of his enemy.
- Rhys: Coach of That's Chaos Theory, host of Div 5 A recaps, humble and inspirational former Vampire coach.
- Seriassam: Coach of Leaping Lizardss, traumatized by Div 2, Miraskadu disciple, lives for Saurus-ball or nothing.
- SkyblueMonty: Coach of Monty's Tosspots, will play Halflings everywhere, despite anything, against everyone.
- Tommo: coach of The Arcana, host of Div 4 recaps with Jamus, is pleased by the melody of screams an whispers.