So first thing's first: There are actually two Slaanash teams in FUMBBL's Secret League: Slannesh and Daemons of Slaanesh. I've been told from reliable sources that there is actual Blood Bowl lore that features Slannesh Daemons playing Blood Bowl, so their inclusion seems pretty important! But the Daemons are also just a little too good in their current form.
I think doing a team of Daemons could be interesting, but I want to be able to present new teams without making significant changes to their rosters, so we'll be looking at the other Slaanesh team instead. I hope you like weird mutation teams!
|0-16||Slaves to Darkness||6||3||4||7||GAM(PS)||60K|
|0-4||Slanngors||7||3||3||7||Horns, Very Long Legs, Prehensile Tail||GAM(PS)||80K|
|0-4||Slannash Warriors||6||4||3||8||Claw, Very Long Legs||GAM(PS)||110K|
Okay so, wow, there are things to say here. To start with we have Slave Linemen who are clearly Elves, with the same stat line as a Pro Elves and mutation access to boot. Anyone who's played underworld knows that Mutation access on agility players is kinda bullshit, but it's the fun kind of bullshit where you don't get your team's collective face clawed off. That comes later.
Next is the Slanngor, a Slannesh...gor? Goat? Looks, it's a particularly tall beastman. This Gor has traded a point of armour for movement and gained two new mutations (one even useful!) in exchange for a 20K increase in price. Very Long Legs is mostly useless on this guy, but stacking tail is actually pretty good against agility teams without leap. The Dodge penalty for tail stacks, so two Slaans marking an Elf will force a 4+ dodge even if it can avoid tackle zones. Better still, with Agility access you're only ever 1 skill up away from turning that into a 5+ or 6+ with Diving Tackle!
Last of all is the Warrior. This player breaks a lot of team building rules. It's a Strength 4 player on a team with Agi 4 linemen. it's a Strength 4 player with Claw access. And with only a 10K increase on a Chaos Warrior it's literally getting Very Long Legs for free (which to be fair is probably about what that skill is worth). It also has no strenght access, so I hope you like fishing for doubles. Not as good as a Werewolf, but potentially still pretty damn good with development!
All According to Plan
Is that even Slannesh's thing? I'm pretty sure I'm thinking of a different Chaos God. ANYWAY!
|0-1||Keeper of Secrets||7||5||4||8||Loner, Wild Animal, Regenerate, Extra Arms, Claw, Very Long Legs||S(GAP)||200K|
This team has a critical shortage of Big Guys, so let's correct that with the most unweildy one yet. Straight from that other Slaanesh team, meet the Keeper of Secrets! This Lady is a Daemonette with entirely too much movement and agility for her position. Wild Animal makes her nor especially good at ball handling, but with 4 agility and extra arms she can damn well do it if she wants to! She leaps on a 2+ if she rolls a double and she has claw for that extra does of Slaanesh-flavoured murder. Oh, and she's 200K, meaning you'll never roster her anyway.
Frankly the Keeper is too OP please nerf for the huge Jackedman with everything she needs to do well already built in. That said, she is otherwise exactly the sort of Big Guy I think belongs on a team like this: Thematically appropriate and essentially unplayable.
Wrapping Things Up
So there you have it! Slaanesh in Blood Bowl form, with a surprise appearance by a Daemonette and everything! You might be surprised to know that this team (sans Keeper of course) actually has a sub 50 win rate in the Secret League, meaning it's actually probably a pretty safe addition to Blood Bowl. It's definitely one of the more weird teams I've looked at lately and honestly I'm just glad no one asked for Sea Elves.
Are you a follower of Slaanesh? Do you want to see other Secret League teams? Or have you already stopped reading? Whatever the answer...well, I'm sure we'll sort it out.