Welcome back to a new season with some now jaded rookie coaches! Winter seems to have finally broken for a new season of blood bowl! Just remember, if the snotling sees it's shadow, it's back to hibernation.


So what is on the agenda today? My friends, let me introduce THE MINORS IMPERIALISM MAP!



What is the Imperialism Map and how does it work?

  • Every team starts with one state.
    • The exception are divisional winners who get a second chunk of land.
  • Each week, the winner of a match will take the loser's territory and add it to their own.
  • Each week, I will update the map showing each team's expanding empire.
  • Teams can steal territory even if they have no territory.
  • I will crown a Minors Baron at the end of the season for the largest territory.

But Rand, how is this different from the standings?

  • Standings is records only! Imperialism map allows team who have had rough luck or got knocked down the table to still have a chance to steal land, kind of like some of the upsets in the final weeks of college last season.
  • There are also territory bounties below as you may have notices that several territories have not yet been claimed.These reward certain accomplishments or oddities as defined by me, for fun.

The very foggy and questionable logic used to locate teams:

Europe - The Midatlantic

  • The Mighty Q - New York
    • Where better for the Lizardman Empire to land than the Empire State?
  • Lavalamps - Pennsylvania
    • Pennsylvannia exports apples to 12 different countries just like Lava will be exporting pain to almost 12 different coaches this season.
  • Troy Tempest - West Virginia
    • The dwarfs in a coal mining state? Is there a better match on this list?
  • Ghaustos - Virginia
    • While orcs may be a bit of a brute, Ghaustos is seen as one of the statesmen of the current minors crop and gets the Commonwealth as his starting home.
  • Glokta - N & S Carolina
    • Looking for a pair of states to give away to the Euro B winner and the North and South combo was just too easy.
  • JobeyObey - Tennessee
    • ​​​​​​​What's scarier than meth heads in the Appalachians? These crazy SOB Dark Elves.
  • Hubster - Kentucky
    • ​​​​​​​Just like their famous bourbon, Hubster is always smooth but packs a surprising punch.
  • Meat Mannequin - Ohio
    • ​​​​​​​Dark? Edgy? Reminds me way too much of Ohio is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights.
  • Old Yella - Indiana
    • ​​​​​​​Taking inspiration from the Royal Blue and passing attacks, the Everlorn Eagles draw natural comparisons to Colts under Payton Manning.
  • Yor - Michigan
    • ​​​​​​​Urban decay meets literal decay in the Great Lake State.
  • Focus3d - Wisconsin
    • ​​​​​​​They are the Greenwald Packers. Do I have to explain this one?

Mixed - Deep South and Frozen North

  • Flipped Toast - Minnesota
    • ​​​​​​​Vikings. From Minnesota. Duh.
  • Dr Dakka - South Dakota
    • ​​​​​​​I feel like Crazy Russians would be perfectly at home in a cold, barren state with not much to do besides drink and play blood bowl.
  • CartoonKarl - Iowa
    • ​​​​​​​Famous for tornados and natural disasters, Karl has learned to deal with some like dismantling in his college season and is looking to bring his corn fed Dark Elves to the prime time.
  • Lil Hands - Missouri
    • ​​​​​​​These dinos starting in the Show-Me state are looking to put on for the divisional crown after a decent outing in the meat grinder that was Americas C in college.
  • Halligun - Arkansas
    • ​​​​​​​Smoked and Cured will get its start in a state famous for wild hog. Go get you some.
  • Dimmy Gee - Texas & Oklahoma
    • ​​​​​​​The Cowboys of Dallas and Oklahoma State made for a perfect combination of states for the Euro A champ.
  • SwampMist - Louisiana
    • ​​​​​​​Down in da' bye-yoo, de hab dem swumps. Alright, it's hard to translate the accent of Swamp People or Coach O in written form, but Swamp is looking to bring that Louisiana voodoo with his Necro squad.
  • Gebro - Mississippi
    • ​​​​​​​Hot, humid, and a place most people will never willingly visit sounds like a lizardman pitch.
  • WanderingBME (Akhelian Guard) - Alabama
    • ​​​​​​​This was one of the harder teams to place until I realized chaos mutation and Alabama family trees make them basically the same. Roll Tide.
  • WmMiranda - Georgia & Florida
    • ​​​​​​​The Mixed champion starts with both his home state and the Coke Capital of the World. You can't convince me that Gutter Runners aren't bumping up before games.

Americas - The Pacific

  • ​​​​​​​Audrey - Washington
    • ​​​​​​​The Norse in the North. Easy as that.
  • Viscardus - Oregon & North Dakota
    • ​​​​​​​Did you know Oregon has a rainforest? That's liard territory. Did you know North Dakota is one of the least hospitable places in the US? That's Viscardus's field.
  • BHagen - California
    • ​​​​​​​Team West starts in the iconic western state.
  • AwesomeAim - Idaho
    • ​​​​​​​Aim's team are basically the farm boys of College. I also tried to put him as close to Canada as possible.
  • Myster Trexx - Nevada
    • ​​​​​​​The newly minted Las Vegas Raiders go too well with a Chaos squad.
  • Murtidash - Arizona
    • ​​​​​​​Arizona's hellishly hot landscape would be preferrable for most coaches to playing a Chorf team.
  • HeyLow - Montana
    • ​​​​​​​Weird stuff comes out of Montana. Like Nurgle teams.
  • Aresem - Wyoming
    • ​​​​​​​The badlands of Wyoming are the home to the badass that is Aresem and his Undead squad.
  • Kitakaze - Utah & Colorado
    • ​​​​​​​The Americas A champ gets both Utah and Colorado after shredding on his division last season. Shred that gnar.
  • Rand - New Mexico
    • ​​​​​​​I didn't really have a reason for this one and I feel okay doing that to myself.
  • Vormaerin - Hawai'i
    • ​​​​​​​The Hawai'ian gets his home state with the Flyin' Hawai'ian Kislev.

Up for Grabs - Complete the challenge below in one of your minors game and send me a screen shot on discord to claim the territory. It must be your game!

  • Alaska - It's Cold Out There
    • ​In honor​​​​ of The Last Frontier, be the first to submit proof to me of a TD in the snow during a minors game.
  • Nebraska - Good Day for the Blackshirts
    • ​​​​​​​In honor of Nebraska's legendary defense, be the first to submit proof to me of a kill.
  • Kansas - Rock Chalk!
    • ​​​​​​​In honor of Kansas' legendary "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" chant. be the first to submit proof to me of an injury due to rock throwing.
  • Illinois - The Return of Sweetness
    • ​​​​​​​In honor of legendary Chicago Bears player Walter Payton, be the first to submit proof to me of a player scoring three or more times in a game.
  • New Jersey, Maryland, and Delaware - You Talkin' To Me?
    • ​​​​​​​In honor of the attitude from NJ and MD, be the first to submit proof to me of a player getting sent off during a minors game. Must be sent off and NOT bribed back into game.
  • New England - Timber!
    • ​​​​​​​In honor of the logging tradition in the New England region, be the first to submit proof of an injury caused to a big guy.

That's all for now! Check back next Wednesday for an updated map!


-Rand AKA Ticklebump

- Ticklebump

Read more from this writer.


California knows how to party! - bhagen

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